Can anyone tell me how to get this to show up in my menu? I have no /settings/appearance and I dont know why.
I don't know about 4.6 cuz I haven't reached yet But I think your looking for:
menu>>settings>>user interface settings
I have a settings>>appearance in my menu but it points to lxappearence, which I use for IceWM.
Is there a file named xfce-ui-settings.desktop in your /usr/share/applications or /usr/local/share/aplications directory? Should be among all the other xfce-whatever-settings.desktop files.